You Can't Go Back

I met up an old friend from high school this weekend, and I was left feeling kind of sad.  Well not really sad, I'm actually not too sure how I feel about it to be honest.

We have some things in common, and other things not so much.

Don't get me wrong it was good to see my friend, we had a few laughs, it just felt a little awkward at times.

We have both changed, went off into different directions, and I think I changed a lot more than my friend.

When we last met 20 years ago, I was still in the closet, but that's not the biggest thing.

My friend does a lot of drugs.  While I'm not a prude and I like to "party" now and then with a little 420, I am just not into LSD or cocaine.  I mean I have tried both, a lot, while I was in high school and in my twenties, but being a man in my 40's I'm find I am not interested in using these drugs anymore.

I guess I am in a place now where I neither have the time nor the desire to do "party" like that anymore.

In my opinion it is very odd that a man in his 40's still uses hard drugs on a regular basis.  I don't even have a beer very often.  I certainly don't engage in smoking pot regularly either.  The last time I did was on a camping trip during the summer.

Now am I being a puritan or too judgmental?  I don't know.  It just feels wrong.  My friend was so cavalier about using hard drugs and how much he likes using them.  I don't really know how it is affecting his life, but I can't believe that it doesn't affect him negatively.

Another reason that I am somewhat concerned is that he is taking antidepressants and engaging in heavy drug use.  From my understanding the use of the "heavy" drugs and even pot will have negative effects on his system over a period of prolonged use, and even diminish the benefits of taking antidepressants.

There was a time when I would not have a problem with anyone living this lifestyle.  Now I find myself disturbed by this news.

I will neither judge him, nor offer my unsolicited opinion about his lifestyle choice.  Even if he puts the question to me, I doubt that I will say anything that will result in an argument.  I just don't see him that often, and we're not close like we once were.

I miss the relationship that we used to have, he used to be more energetic and well, fun.  Maybe that was the pot talking, I don't know.  He seems like a ghost to me now, and the idea of him engaging in heavy drug use on a regular basis makes me feel very uneasy.

So I guess I do feel sad.  I really miss the friendship and laughter we once shared. He was a good friend back then, almost a brother to me.  I feel like I have lost something.

Nick Frost is Hot

Nick Frost in his underwear!

Do I need to say more?

It's Been Too Long

What I have been doing these last couple of months....let's see....

After a couple of months, I have decided that I really don't have enough time to devote to the Ottawa Nights, so I have decided not to join that group for now.

I was also going back to school, but for financial reasons I have decided not to pursue that.  It's kind of a bummer because I was accepted into the university program of my choice, I had selected all of my courses for the year, then after talking with my partner we decided it just wasn't the right thing for me to do.  I didn't want to wait 5 years before I got another paycheque.  I also didn't want to have a huge student loan to pay off either.

Instead, I have made a career change and in October I started a new job, new career but in the same company.  So far so good.  I am enjoying the change and the new challenges that come with the new job.

For fun I decided to submit some pics of myself to ALL BEAR magazine.  This is a bear mag in the UK.  I will be featured in a future issue.  One of my pics is on the galleries page.  Yay Me!

That's it for now.  Sorry about the LONG pause/gap.

I've Joined The Ottawa Knights

Yep, that's right, I've joined the Ottawa Knights.  For those who have no idea who "The Knights" are, they are a leather & bdsm (gay/male) group here in Ottawa.

I have attended many bar knights over the last two years, and one brunch recently.  Basically, I joined because I wanted to be part of the group and maybe help to change some things.

I have always been annoyed that guys in leather have to wait in line with everyone else before they can go upstairs to the Cellblock.  I understand it's a legal issue with the number of people being limited to 75 or so, but come on!  Give the guys in leather preference over those who are NOT IN LEATHER!!  You can still keep the numbers within the limit and make it a better night for the guys who actually bothered to get into gear.  OK, that's enough of my rant.

This saturday I will be shlepping cases of beer and stuff from 9:30pm-12:30am.  After that I'm putting on my uncomfortable boots and leather jock and then parade around the cellblock.  Of course I will be downing a dozen double gin and tonics before the bar closes.

Just got back from LumBEARJack at the point.  The pool heater was fixed - YEAH!!!  Sadly though, there was a lack of bears.

My guess is that the bears have decided to hold out until the Bear Jamboree or Camp Bear411 this year.  But who really knows.

Anyways I am going to both the Bear Jamboree and Camp Bear411 so I'll keep you posted.